Polyamory

Polyamory: "poly" comes from the Greek "polus" meaning many, and love.. I'd love to translate it for you but you know "it's indescribable, they've got that little something extra..", it's beyond words.

Many loves… Ok, the concept sounds simple but are we talking polygamy instead? Gold a harem perhaps? An orgy maybe? Come on Jamie, explain to us what polyamory is!

Polyamory? What's that? 

Our friend the Larousse describes polyamory as "the practice of maintaining an intimate (romantic and/or sexual) relationship with several partners simultaneously, in a consensual, honest and open manner".

Misconceptions about polyamory

The image we have of a romantic relationship today is tied to the couple, but just as no two couples are alike, why should there not be other ways to love than a duo who pledges faithfulness to each other? Polyamory will challenge all your certainties about the ways of loving.

The unknown always makes us a little afraid — we often try to find a logical explanation when we don't know something!

Wait a minute... When it comes to emotions and feelings, there's nothing logical about it, I love you because you bring sparkle into my life, Kevin. That's it!

Right, let's go for a quick rundown of the misconceptions people can have about polyamory:

"You can't love several people — it must be a matter of sex"

Not at all. You don't love your partner solely for the intergalactic romps they offer you. You love them for a whole host of reasons: they make the best pasta on Earth, they're a champion joke-teller whose punchlines you struggle to recover from, their kisses on your neck are divine.. With polyamory it's the same thing. Sexuality is part of the equation but it doesn't come down to that alone!

"It's a handy way to avoid commitment"

For most people, commitment often means being loyal to one's partner without going to see if the grass is greener on the other side. But isn't commitment really about being there day to day? Supporting your partner emotionally? Helping them to flourish in all circumstances?

And this can be done as a duo, a six, or even a ten.. And therefore in polyamory! Even if after a while it might become a little complex to pamper everyone without making anyone jealous, but you get the idea. Exclusivity and commitment do not mean the same thing!

"Loving several people with the same intensity is impossible"

If I have several children, will I necessarily love Jeremy more than Zoe? No, you don't have a quota of love to distribute and share equally — it happens naturally! In polyamory, affinities and points of connection with others can vary from person to person, but we love them, and that is immeasurable.

"Yes so it's basically an open relationship"

An open relationship is a mutual consent to allow each other to have other partners. It includes a notion of non-exclusivity, which is not necessarily applicable in all polyamorous relationships! Some people need a "framework" that allows the lovely group of lovers to love each other as a group without necessarily being open to the idea of including other people in the polyamorous setup.

"I love you, but you're free to love anyone else too"

Speaking of consent.. It is the foundation of a healthy polyamorous relationship, just like any other form of relationship for that matter. For things to be built on solid ground, and to avoid hurting anyone's feelings, THE rule not to miss is agreeing on each person's boundaries. What are we allowing ourselves to do, and what would be too hard to bear?

You must be certain that you have fully understood and accepted everything that polyamory entails before agreeing, so as not to end up with a little broken heart because "it wasn't what I wanted after all".. Taking the time to talk to each other is really, truly important. Communication first and foremost, baby!

To go further!

What if we let those most concerned have their say? No, it's not that I've been telling you a nice story out of nowhere since the beginning of this article, but.. I must confess, I don't practise polyamory. Let's give credit where credit is due..

I invite you to take a look at the account from Asaf Avidan, a well-known polyamorist who speaks about this form of love with great tenderness!

Whatever your conception of love, whether you're team duo, trio gold polyamory, live it, and live it to the full 'cause one day we'll be old* as he puts it so well in one of his songs.

*Because one day we will be old.