Polyamory

“Poly” comes from the Greek “polus” which means many, and love.. I would like to translate it for you but you know “it’s indescribable, they have something extra..”, it is not up for debate.

Many loves... Ok, the concept seems simple but are we talking about polygamy? or is it a harem? maybe an orgy? Come on Jamie, explain to us what it is!

Polyamory? What's that? 

Our friend Larousse describes polyamory as the “fact of living a lasting intimate (romantic and/or sexual) relationship with several partners in parallel, in a consensual, frank, and assumed manner”.

Common misconceptions about polyamory

The image we have of a romantic relationship today is linked to the couple, but just as no couple is alike, why wouldn't there be other ways to love than a duo promising fidelity?

But as the unknown always brings a bit of fear, we often try to find a logical explanation when we don't know!

Wait a minute.. In emotions and feelings, there is nothing logical, I love you because you add sparkle to my life Kevin.. That's all!

Alright, let's go for a little review of the false ideas we might have about polyamory:

• “You can't love multiple people, it's necessarily a question of sex”

Not at all.. You don't love your partner only for the intergalactic romps they offer you. You love them for a whole bunch of reasons: they make the best pasta on Earth, they're a champion of jokes that leave you in stitches, their kisses on the neck are divine.. For polyamory, it's the same thing. Sexuality is part of the equation but it doesn't just boil down to that!

• “It's a good plan to avoid commitment”

For Mr./Ms. Everyone, commitment is often being loyal to your partner by not checking if the grass is greener on the other side. But wouldn't commitment rather be being there daily? Emotionally supporting your partner? Helping them flourish in all circumstances?

And that, you can do with two, six, or ten.. Well, at some point it might become a tad complex to pamper everyone without making anyone jealous, but you get the concept. Exclusivity and commitment do not mean the same thing!

• “Loving multiple people with the same intensity is impossible”

So if I have several children, I will necessarily love Jeremy more than Zoe? No, you don't have a quota of love to distribute and share equally, it happens naturally! Affinities and points of connection with others can vary from one person to another, but we love them, and it's immeasurable.

• “Yes, so it's basically an open relationship”

An open relationship is a mutual agreement to allow each other to have other partners. It includes a notion of non-exclusivity, which is not necessarily applicable in all polyamorous relationships! Some need a "framework" that allows the lovely group of lovers to love each other without necessarily being open to the idea of including other people in the setup.

“I love you, but you are free to love anyone else too”

Speaking of consent.. It is the foundation of a healthy polyamorous relationship, just like any other form of relationship for that matter. For things to be built on solid foundations, and to avoid hurting anyone's feelings, THE rule not to miss is to agree on each other's boundaries. What are we allowed to do and what would be too hard to bear?

One must be sure to have understood and accepted everything that this style of relationship implies before giving consent to avoid ending up with a little heart in pieces because ultimately “it wasn't what I wanted”.. Taking the time to talk is really, really important. Communication above all baby!

To go further!

What if we let the main people concerned speak? Not that I'm telling you a lovely story out of nowhere since the beginning of this article, but.. I must confess, I am not polyamorous. So let's give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar..

I invite you to take a look at the testimony of Asaf Avidan, a famous polyamorous person who talks about this form of love with a lot of tenderness!

No matter your conception of love, live it, and live it to the fullest ‘cause one day we’ll be old*’ as he says so well in one of his songs.

*Because one day we will be old