7 good reasons not to open your relationship

Hello, honourable flaxseeds, 

The title made you click? BRILLIANT. 

Starting with a disclaimer: who do we think we are to tell you whether or not to open your relationship? That's not our call... However, we will address the main sticking points worth exploring if you're asking yourself this question.

Opening up your relationship — that is, shifting an exclusive relationship model to something else (no less structured, we'll come back to that later) — could be compared to making your own sourdough starter at home (hi there, lockdown nostalgia): everyone has an opinion on it, nobody really agrees on the method (spoiler: there's no predefined rulebook tailored to each of you), and there's always some bore who tosses over their shoulder "mmmmh, that usually ends badly".

Here, we're not promoting no-monogamy — we're just dismantling the false excuses that prevent people from discussing it calmly. A quick overview of the "good reasons" we hear most often, and above all, what they really conceal.

1. "We're already incredibly happy as we are"

Excellent news, genuinely. But a couple's happiness isn't a finite resource that needs to be protected by sealing it under vacuum. Many partners open their relationship because things are going well, not to fix something broken. Confusing "we don't have a problem" with "we don't need to talk about it" leads to missing out on quite a few interesting conversations.

2. "I'd be way too scared of being jealous"

Jealousy isn't an absolute alarm signal — it's an emotion, like hunger or stress, that deserves to be listened to, not fled from. The right question isn't "will I feel jealous" (spoiler: probably yes, at least a little) but "what does this tell me about my needs". Ignoring this fear by staying closed off doesn't make it disappear — it just hides somewhere else.

3. "It means they're no longer enough for me"

No. Wanting to explore something else doesn't mean something is missing in the other person — any more than enjoying several dishes means you don't love the first. It's a comfortable (and guilt-inducing) logical shortcut that gets trotted out mainly because nobody wants to open the subject.

4. "We'll never have the time to manage that on top of everything else"

Look, we won't lie: no-monogamy requires logistics, conversations, sometimes a shared Excel spreadsheet (we've seen worse kinks). But "not enough time to communicate more" in a relationship is rarely an argument that ages well, open or not.

5. "Our friends will judge us"

Maybe. Some will. But building your emotional life based on the panel of opinions from your old school WhatsApp group is a choice like any other — just not exactly the most fulfilling one. Outside perspectives generally say more about the norms we've internalised than about the actual solidity of a relationship.

6. "Just because it works for so-and-so doesn't mean it works for us"

Absolutely true, and that's the whole point: no-monogamy isn't a universal model to copy and paste — it's a framework to negotiate on your own terms. The issue is never "does it work in general", but "have we, the two of us, had the conversation about what we truly want".

7. "We never learnt how to talk about it"

This one's real. Nobody gave us the in practice guide for discussing boundaries, desire, emotional security, and shared schedules without it turning into a tribunal. But the lack of tools isn't a reason to never open the conversation — it's precisely the reason to go and find them.

In short: opening up your relationship isn't for everyone, and neither is keeping it closed. The real question is never "monogamous or not", but "have the two of us actually had a proper conversation where each person was able to express their needs, desires, and reservations".

XOXO