Sexual consent

In a relationship or single, consent is the foundation of any relationship.

At what times and how to apply it to be sure not to overstep boundaries and to respect the desires and needs of the other? We see all that here!

What is sexual consent?

According to our friend Larousse, consent is the "Action of giving one's agreement to an action, a project; acquiescence, approval, assent." When we talk about sexual consent, we are talking about an agreement expressed by partners for a given practice. It is knowing the desires and limits of the other before the act and ensuring that they are respected and unchanged during the act. It is also the meeting point between each person's desire. Respecting a person's consent means not imposing your desires on them, and it is the foundation of any relationship (whether sexual or not). I would also add that absence of consent (verbal or not) = sexual assault. It's as simple as that!

How to define consent? It's simple: it must always be enthusiastic, reversible, free, and informed.

Enthusiastic

Because it must reflect a person's desire and should not be forced, extracted, or obtained through blackmail or violence. A person giving in to harassing behavior has not consented!

Reversible

Because at any moment, even if the person has given their agreement and consent, they can change their mind. For example, if it is a sexual encounter, one can very well give consent and change their mind just before the act or even during it. There are no rules: one has the right to change their mind, and our partner must respect that, period.

Free and Informed

Because when a person consents to something, they must do so with full knowledge of the facts. Let me explain: you consented to have a sexual encounter with this person who tells you they are single? If once the encounter starts, this person tells you they are in a relationship, the consent is biased, violated. These are not the terms you consented to, you follow me? Free and informed consent also means that you must be in a state to respond consciously. If you are, for example, asleep, or unconscious, you are not able to give your consent. Afterward, the simplest thing if someone is sleeping is to leave them alone, and if someone is unconscious, it's to call for help 🙂

How to ask for and apply consent?

So no, you are not going to kill the mood or come off as the annoying one by asking for your partner's consent. Contrary to what one might think, asking for consent can be super sexy and exciting! For example, you can look your partner in the eyes while asking for their approval and describing everything you would like to do to them... Or list all the practices that excite you during a heated sexting exchange!

For some people, it can be complicated to say “no” or to express disapproval verbally. Here again, discussing consent via message before taking action can be a very good idea. When you receive a written proposal from your partner, you have time to think about it. You imagine, you take a step back, you ask yourself if you share this desire. You can also create a few scenarios to build up desire.

In any case, don't forget that it is essential to ensure your partner's consent before and during the act. During a sexual relationship, we are often in an altered state and consent can sometimes be hard to ask for/approve. The best thing is to discuss it together beforehand and to be attentive to your partner's signals and body language during the act and to proceed gently!

Sexual consent: to go further!

Here is a list of very interesting resources to learn more about consent:

• This video full of common sense
• The site of the association consentis.info
• The interactive story from the Instagram account Orgasme et moi on different ways to ask for consent

Remember, consent is sexy AND mandatory!

See you soon 💜