How to prepare properly for anal sex

Playing together means having the opportunity to vary pleasures, try new things, or (re)discover certain sensations. Anal stimulation is part of this range of options available to us and our partner. And contrary to popular belief, it can produce very intense orgasms. But before diving in, it's worth knowing that anal sex requires preparation. Here are some tips to help you get started with complete peace of mind!

Talk about your desires and your concerns 

With the sexual liberation of recent decades, we talk more openly about what we get up to between the sheets. Goodbye to taboos, which are slowly beginning to fade. People are speaking up and many are sharing their experiences on the subject.

The upshot is that, knowing what goes on in other people's bedrooms, we compare our sex lives with theirs. We might even go as far as trying things that don't really appeal to us, just to feel normal.

It can't be said enough — everything comes down to desire and consent! Just because many people around you practise anal sex doesn't mean you have to try it if you don't want to.

One of the reasons we hesitate to try — aside from simply not being interested — is the fears we may have. So don't hesitate to talk openly with your partner; there's no better way to build confidence!

Prepare your body — and your mind!

Let me run through the most common anxieties and misconceptions when it comes to anal sex:

• "There are bound to be traces and that puts me off"

Your rectum is designed to eliminate what your body doesn't need. So yes, there is a possibility you might find some residue on your partner's penis, on their finger, or on the sheets… And rest assured, it's not the end of the world! A shower, a good wash of the sheets, and no one's any the wiser. Don't be embarrassed — your partner knows full well what to expect if they venture down there. But if the thought horrifies you, there's always the option of an anal douche. 

How does it work? It's very simple: grab your anal douche bulb, fill it with lukewarm water, then head to the shower:

• Gently insert the nozzle into your anus after applying lube. If it doesn't go in, don't force it — you risk injuring yourself. Try again later; you're probably just not quite ready psychologically yet!
• Squeeze to release the contents into your rectum. Apply steady, continuous pressure — not like you're squeezing a stress ball — otherwise you risk drawing secretions back into the bulb and leaving bacteria inside that you could reintroduce into your anus next time. Hello, infections!
• Clench to hold the water in, wait a few minutes, then head to the toilet to expel it. Hello, clean rectum, free of residue, ready for worry-free fun!

One important point: never use anything other than water in your anal douche bulb. No soap, products, or plant extracts — that's a guaranteed way to destroy your gut flora.

That said, don't go doing an anal douche five times a week either. If you douche repeatedly, your gut flora takes a hit — even using only water — and you risk losing your defecation reflex.

• "It's bound to hurt"

If you prepare properly, feel comfortable with the idea of trying, and trust your partner, there's no reason it should hurt. And here's a bonus tip: it's easier for a first attempt right after an orgasm! You'll be relaxed — thank you, dopamine, the pleasure hormone — and it'll be much simpler and more enjoyable for you.

Your partner can start by caressing you with their finger to get you used to the sensations around the anus. They can also practise anilingus if you're comfortable with the idea. The action of the tongue can help the sphincters to relax!

If you need a little help relaxing, opt for an anal relaxant that will give you a mild numbing effect and help you move through the next steps more comfortably. 

Feeling like a pro and enjoying the sensations? You can opt for an anal plug to help you make a smooth transition between the size of your partner's finger and that of their penis. Then it's entirely up to you whether or not to try penetration!

• "I'm worried something will get stuck"

If the preparation step (explained just above) is followed correctly, there is really very, very little risk of that happening!

Keep the lines of communication open — at the slightest uncomfortable sensation or twinge of pain, let your partner know. You then have three options:

• Slow down the pace — a rhythm that's too fast can be hard to handle during a first attempt.
• Change position — the angle of penetration may be putting too much pressure on your anal wall, so opt for something that allows for more gentleness.
• Stop the anal sex altogether, to a round of applause — because you did it, it's a first and that deserves respect. You'll have plenty of time to try again later.

• "At least I'm sure I won't catch an STI"

Not so fast! Sexually transmitted infections don't only concern vaginal penetration. Whenever mucous membranes come into contact during unprotected sex, you're exposed to the risk of contracting an STI. In the case of anal sex, the mucous membrane of the glans comes into contact with the anal wall, so transmission is entirely possible. Haven't been tested in a while? When in doubt, it's best to use a condom to play safely!

• "Anal sex will drive them wild, they'll lose all control"

It's all about communication! If you speak to each other honestly, there shouldn't be any problem on that front. The pace is too fast, you're feeling something uncomfortable or painful, or you simply want to stop… Say so. Staying attuned to each other while you play is absolutely possible! Simply explain that you have a few reservations and that you want to go at your own pace and on your own terms.

A quick reminder: in the heat of the moment, you might be tempted to switch from anal to vaginal sex. That's a really bad idea! The bacteria present in the anus can cause all sorts of problems if they come into contact with the vaginal mucous membranes. You can opt for a quick shower before continuing, or use a condom and change it before attempting vaginal penetration.

Off you go towards new pleasures, with a clear mind and plenty of tips up your sleeve to prepare well. Remember, you should never feel obliged to do anything you don't want to! If you do want to, go for it and give it a try; if not, there's certainly no shortage of alternatives for having fun 😜