Living together: a passion killer?

Ever come across those couples who say they make love three times a day, even though they’ve been together for years? Now, my dear, anything’s possible, but it’s very rare for your relationship and sex life to stay exactly the same when you’ve been together a long time. So there’s no point comparing yourself — you might only end up feeling worse… But does living together kill the romance?

Hot and cold 😬

Living together is a bit like a serving of profiteroles: at first, it’s exciting and new, a treat for the taste buds with that soft choux pastry and warm (or very hot) chocolate sauce. But soon the cold ice cream hits, like a sudden return to reality. That could represent discovering sides of your beloved you’d never seen before (and some you don’t much like, if we’re honest). So is living together like that awful hot-and-cold feeling on your teeth? Do you have to avoid moving in together at all costs to stay happy as a couple?

That’s not the answer. As with everything (profiteroles included), it’s about finding a balance. Here, that means balancing the closeness and routine that come with living together (and, really, with life in general) with "a little bit of spiiiice" (in a Toulouse accent — that part’s important) to keep a touch of sexiness in your relationship.

Rekindling the flame 🔥

You’re probably thinking: "OK, that’s nice, but how do I keep this famous spark everyone talks about alive?" Well, it’s not as complicated as you might think! If you feel that living with your partner has changed your relationship for the worse — bringing tension, routine or a drop in libido — remember that it isn’t necessarily down to your partner or your particular relationship. These things happen to loooads of couples, so they could just as easily happen with someone else. Before you call it quits, ask yourself a few questions:

• Do I still love them?
• Is it our routine I don’t like, or do I just refuse to have any kind of dull routine in my life?
• Have I experienced the same thing with previous partners? If it was already a source of conflict, did I communicate properly with them?

Finding the balance 🧘

Identify the mistakes you don’t want to repeat, and talk them through calmly to find out whether your partner feels the same way. Things should already start to look a bit clearer. The next step is to make small changes to spice up life together! Here are a few ideas, on the house:

• plan a trip together, even if it’s just for a day or two
• make time for yourself, just you, doing what YOU enjoy
• arrange a night out with your friends without your partner (they can do the same with theirs, so you’ll have loads to tell each other afterwards)
• do some exercise (not to change your body, just for your mind): if your libido has dropped, it can help you feel more in control, manage stress and feel more at home in your body
• dig out your toys, or treat yourselves to a shiny new one! It’s always a good way to discover new things together, laugh and (re)connect

To sum up, living together doesn’t kill love, but it can change it. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Change is part of life, and relationships go through different phases too. If you’d like to know more, take a peek at our TikTok video on "The 4 phases of a relationship"!