How to know if your relationship is healthy?

What are the indicators to know if your relationship is healthy? It is legitimate to ask this question because if we are often blinded by love, our intuition is often right. And if we ask the question, there is certainly something fishy going on.

Beware, a couple's life is made of ups and downs and knowing if your relationship is healthy is imperative. It is perfectly normal to argue, to have periods of doubt, to disagree with the other. All of this is totally healthy, as long as there is respect and no intention to harm the other. In this article, we will see what small clues allow you to say "ok, my relationship is healthy" or on the contrary "there is a problem". Let's go.

We are not afraid of the other person's reactions

Do you feel like a child who has to keep quiet about their mistake for fear of being scolded? Do you dread your partner's reactions when you do something that annoys them? Do you do everything possible to accommodate them and put their well-being before your own for fear that they will get angry at the slightest annoyance? Even if the other person's reactions can be "only" verbal and even if they calm down quickly, constantly walking on eggshells when communicating with the other is a bad sign! On the contrary, in a healthy relationship, we are not afraid to say what we think to the other, we feel welcomed and safe when we talk about our emotions and feelings.

We are happy for the other's happiness and vice versa

It may seem simple, but in a relationship, and when we love someone, seeing them happy contributes to our happiness! Because the love we have for a person induces great empathy towards them. When this love is healthy, empathy is therefore present. Of course, we can love someone, be happy for them but not be completely happy personally because our happiness depends only on us. For example, a person suffering from depression can be in love and in a perfectly healthy relationship.

We support each other in our projects

This goes with the previous point, being in a relationship means being part of a team, a duo. The successes of one make the other proud! A partner who puts you down, doesn't believe in you, and doesn't support you in your personal or professional projects is not a healthy person for you... Likewise, your partner should not be jealous of your success, on the contrary, your lover should be your number one fan! Of course, nuance is necessary. If your dream is to become an astronaut but you are asthmatic, claustrophobic, and have vertigo, your partner may not support you 100% in this project, and that's normal 😀

We have more good times than bad times with each other in a healthy relationship

Let's be clear: rough patches happen. But in a healthy relationship, the majority of the little moments spent together are happy! That's how you know if your relationship is healthy. When in a relationship, one partner clings to the other because “he.she was nice the day before yesterday despite making my life hell these past months,” the relationship is anything but healthy! If every time you pass each other in the living room you give each other dirty looks and stop speaking to each other at the table while brooding on your own, it's time to say bye-bye.

We don't have to share the same opinions, but we respect each other's beliefs

A couple consists of two different people with different opinions, beliefs, experiences, and backgrounds. It may be that the two people have opposing views on certain subjects, but the important thing is to always consider the other with respect and not impose our point of view.

We feel comfortable in a healthy relationship to talk about our desires without being judged

In a healthy relationship, we feel free to talk about our desires openly, without fear of being judged. Whether it's about sexuality or not, a person should not fear mockery and judgments from their partner.

We can set our boundaries in a healthy relationship and they are respected

Consent is the foundation. And just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean it no longer applies. Whether it's about sexuality or not, in a healthy relationship, we make sure the other is okay before doing something. For example, we don't force the other to go eat at the in-laws if he or she doesn't want to, we don't force them to go on vacation with our friends, etc.

We take care of each other and lift each other up

A couple is like a pair of figure skaters. When one is down, the other is there to support, relieve, and ensure the show goes well. So if when you're feeling low, your partner doesn't take care of you, maybe your relationship isn't as healthy as you think. Be careful to show nuance; you're not your partner's nurse. But it is important to support each other when things aren't going well.

The list could be very, very long to know if your relationship is healthy. But if there's one thing to remember, it's this: if you don't feel safe with your partner, talk to your friends, family, or associations like En avant Toutes.

You can also use the violentometer, which allows you to measure the degree of violence in a couple, or take this test to know if your relationship is healthy.

Remember that your relationship is your safe place. If you feel endangered there and need to escape to feel respected and safe, then something is wrong.

Take care of yourself 💜