How do you know if your relationship is healthy?

What are the signs that tell you whether your relationship is healthy? It's a perfectly legitimate question — we're often blinded by love, yet our intuition is usually right. And if you're asking yourself the question, there's a good chance something is off.

Bear in mind that every relationship has its ups and downs, and knowing whether yours is healthy is essential. It's perfectly normal to argue, to go through periods of doubt, or to disagree with your partner. All of that is completely healthy, as long as there is mutual respect and no intention to hurt each other. In this article, we'll look at the small signs that tell you "ok, my relationship is healthy" — or, on the contrary, "there's a problem". Let's go.

We're not afraid of each other's reactions

Do you feel like a child who has to hide their mistakes for fear of being told off? Do you dread your partner's reaction when you do something that irritates them? Do you go out of your way to tiptoe around them and put their wellbeing before your own for fear they'll blow up at the slightest annoyance? Even if their reactions are "only" verbal and even if they calm down quickly, constantly walking on eggshells when you communicate with your partner is a bad sign! In a healthy relationship, on the contrary, you're not afraid to say what you think, and you feel welcomed and safe when you talk about your emotions and feelings.

We're happy for each other's happiness and vice versa

It may seem obvious, but in a relationship, when you love someone, seeing them happy contributes to your own happiness! Because the love you have for a person brings with it a great deal of empathy towards them. When that love is healthy, empathy is present. Of course, you can love someone and be happy for them without being entirely happy yourself, because our happiness ultimately depends on us alone. For example, someone living with depression can be in love and in a perfectly healthy relationship.

We support each other in our goals

This goes hand in hand with the previous point: being in a couple means being part of a team, a duo. Each other's successes are a source of pride! A partner who puts you down, doesn't believe in you and doesn't support your personal or professional goals is not a healthy presence in your life… Equally, your partner shouldn't be jealous of your success — on the contrary, your other half should be your number one fan! Of course, nuance applies here too. If your dream is to become an astronaut but you have asthma, claustrophobia and a fear of heights, your partner may not be 100% behind that particular plan, and that's fair enough 😀

We spend more good times than bad with our partner in a healthy relationship

Let's be clear: rough patches happen. But in a healthy relationship, the majority of the little moments you share are happy ones! That's how you know your relationship is healthy. When one partner clings to the other because "they were nice to me the day before yesterday, despite making my life hell for the past few months", the relationship is anything but healthy! If every time you cross paths in the living room you shoot each other a dark look and you've stopped talking at the dinner table, each brooding in silence, it's time to say goodbye.

We don't have to share the same opinions, but we respect each other's beliefs

A couple is made up of two different people with different opinions, beliefs, experiences and backgrounds. The two people may hold opposing views on certain subjects, but what matters is always treating each other with respect and not imposing your own point of view.

In a healthy relationship, we feel comfortable talking about our desires without being judged

In a healthy relationship, you feel free to talk about your desires openly, without fear of being judged. Whether it's about sex or anything else, you shouldn't dread mockery or judgement from your partner.

We can set boundaries in a healthy relationship and they are respected

Consent is fundamental. Being in a relationship doesn’t make it any less important. Whether sex is involved or not, in a healthy relationship you make sure the other person is OK with something before you do it. For example, you don’t force your partner to have dinner with your parents if they don’t want to, or make them go on holiday with your friends.

We look after each other and bring out the best in one another

A couple is like a pair of figure skaters. When one is struggling, the other is there to carry them, ease their burden and make sure the show goes on. So if, when you're having a rough patch, your partner doesn't look after you, your relationship may not be as healthy as you think. That said, nuance is important — you're not your partner's nurse. But supporting each other when things are tough is essential.

The list of things to consider when deciding whether your relationship is healthy could go on and on. But if there’s one thing to remember, it’s this: if you don’t feel safe with your partner, talk to your friends, your family or an organisation such as En avant Toutes.

You can also use the violence meter to gauge the level of violence in a relationship, or take this quiz to find out whether your relationship is healthy.

Remember that your relationship is your safe place. If you feel unsafe in it and need to escape it in order to feel respected and secure, something is wrong.

Take care of yourself 💜