Dirty Talk: how to get started?

What is dirty talk?

Dirty talk, which can be translated as "talking dirty", refers to the words you can say to each other during sex. Contrary to what you might think, this expression doesn't only refer to very crude or salacious language, as its name might suggest. From a simple "I love you" to the hottest words imaginable, dirty talk is an art form in its own right! And today we're giving you the keys to mastering it to perfection.

Why use dirty talk?

A simple question, but one that deserves an answer all the same.

As you know, sex engages all our senses: hearing, smell, touch, taste and sight. Whispering sweet nothings (or not-so-sweet nothings) during sex can stimulate your hearing and give your arousal a real boost. Of course, we all have a favourite sense when it comes to sex. Some love the feel of a cool lube, while others prefer their partner’s scent. But for those who are turned on by sound, auralists, dirty talk can really ramp up the excitement in no time.

So to answer the question "but why practise dirty talk?" I would say that:

• it helps break the routine a little
• it can be incorporated into role play
• it can help you let go by freeing yourself from certain inhibitions
• it's incredibly arousing

Have I convinced you to talk dirty during sex? Great, but then…

How do you get started with dirty talk?

It's a simple question, but one that deserves an answer nonetheless. It's a real question, because if you go about it the wrong way it can at best make you laugh, and at worst kill the mood, bring the encounter to an end, or hurt the other person.

We can’t say it often enough: with dirty talk, as with any sexual activity, consent is non-negotiable. Please don’t start calling your partner names during sex without checking that it turns them on first.

With that said, here are our handy tips for setting up a dirty talk practice that will make you tremble with desire.

Talk about it together

The first step is to talk about it with your partner. Would they like you to talk to them during sex? Do they prefer you to take the lead? Once you've agreed on that, make a list (spoken or written) of what you can and can't say, and when to say it. For example, agree to start with light words, and perhaps finish with something more explicit. Do you want your partner to whisper a few words in your ear during orgasm, or would you rather be left in peace at that moment? By agreeing on what to say and when to say it, you'll avoid any slip-ups that could kill the mood.

Pay attention to your partner's reactions.

Do they seem turned on by what you just said? Or on the contrary, has it put a dampener on things? Pay attention to the other person and their every reaction to adapt your "approach". Watch your partner and wait until arousal has built before trying dirty talk. The chances of killing the mood if you launch straight into an insult while you're still fully clothed are very high.

Build up gradually

If you've never tried dirty talking before, you can start very gently, with simple "I love you"s or "you're so beautiful". You can gradually build your erotic world by incorporating increasingly hot words.

Agree on a safe word.

So no, we're not talking about BDSM, but it can be useful to use a safe word if you feel the moment isn't right or if what your partner just said doesn't turn you on at all. This will avoid killing the mood and the encounter can continue smoothly.

Debrief after sex

Don't forget to debrief together once it's all over! By telling each other what you enjoyed most, what you wish they had said to you… This will make next time even more exciting!

Dirty talk: a few examples

If you're short on inspiration or need a few ideas for phrases to whisper to your loved one, here are some examples that will work wonders under the covers.

Sensual mode

I want you

I'm all yours

Questions mode

Do you like that?

What would you like me to do to you?

Do you want more?

Compliments mode

Your body drives me wild

You're so gorgeous/beautiful/sexy

You make me so wet/hard

You do that so well

Setting the scene mode

I'm going to ****** you all night long

I'm going to have my way with you

I'm going to ****** you until you come

I'm going to come

Instructions mode

Lick me/suck me

Turn over

Don't move

Keep going

I want to hear you come

I want you to come inside me

Take me

Touch yourself/touch me

If it turns you on, you can also agree with your partner to use some much, much bolder words. When consensual and used in the right context, they can have quite an effect. For those, I'll leave you and your partner to pick whatever appeals most from your erotic imagination 🙂

See you soon 💜