You’ve probably heard people describe themselves as "top" or "bottom" (meaning "on top" and "underneath" in plain English). But what do these terms really mean in an intimate relationship? Can they mean different things? Does everyone need a defined role in love or in their sex life? Top or bottom: should we break free from stereotypes? Here’s what we think:
What does it mean to be a "top" or a "bottom"?
Well, Jamy, it depends on the context. Let us explain:
- In the gay community, the "top" (contrary to what you might think) isn’t the person who’s "on top", but the one doing the penetrating. You don’t need to have won Question pour un Champion to work out what the other term means.
- In BDSM, these terms also have a dominant/submissive dimension. People tend to use "Dom" (the person who dominates) and "Sub" (the person who "receives" or "submits") instead.
- Although these terms originated in the gay community, they’re now used across all sexual orientations. In heterosexual relationships, "top" and "bottom" are more often used to describe physical position (above or below the other person) than penetration itself.
What do I do with this information?
It’s important not to take these labels too literally in a relationship. Just because someone is usually the one doing the penetrating, for example, doesn’t mean they won’t want to switch roles now and then. Imagine always having sex in the same position... a bit boring, right? Top or bottom: it’s time to break free of the stereotypes. Do what feels good, and if that means switching from "top" to "bottom" 15 times during sex, that’s OK!
Lou ✨
Hello, I’m Lou! I have a degree in Humanities and Social Sciences and have been interested in all things sex-related for several years. After taking several courses, including one with sexologist Mathilde Magnien, Passage du Désir asked me to write articles for you about sex, love and relationships. My mission? To get people talking about sexual wellbeing in a light-hearted, fun and supportive way. 💜
Lou ✨
Hi, I'm Lou! I have a degree in humanities and social sciences, and I've been interested in sexuality for several years. After completing several training courses, including one with sexologist Mathilde Magnien, Passage du Désir asked me to write articles for you about sexuality, love and relationships. My motto? Get people talking openly about sexual wellbeing, with a light-hearted, fun and supportive approach. 💜
