Thinking about your ex while in a relationship: is it normal?

During a game of "truth gold dare" with your BFFs, you find yourself admitting that yes, you sometimes think about your ex. This is followed by a circle of inquisitive looks, calling into question your entire relationship with dildo" target="_blank">Marcel.le (you get the reference?), your new partner. You blush and a feeling of guilt washes over you. "It's true, why am I still thinking about my ex? That's not normal, maybe my relationship is falling apart...". Point 1, your BFFs could do with being a little kinder. Point 2, no it is not abnormal to think about your ex, even when you're in a relationship, and we're going to tell you why!

Defining the terms

"Thinking about your ex"

First of all, it's important to understand what you mean by "thinking about your ex". There's a world of difference between thinking about that person from time to time because you've seen an object, been to a place, gold smelled a scent that brings back memories; and thinking about your ex all day long, imagining yourself frolicking and/gold flirting in a lavender field.

The famous "normality"

Dear fellow citizens, we are honoured to announce that normality does not exist. Whoa there! Before you get on your high horses, let us explain. If we start from the principle that every person is unique, with their own journey, history, tastes and convictions, it immediately becomes more difficult to define normality, no? What we mean by that is that the real question is not whether what we do is normal gold no, but rather to ensure that our actions do not hurt anyone. In principle, a thought has never hurt anyone, except perhaps the person whose grey material is at the origin of the whole affair. If we continue in this direction, it is therefore neither abnormal nor serious to think about one's ex, even when with someone else...

Take action

However, if thinking about your ex is affecting your new relationship, take action! No, not with your ex (although if you're disappointed reading that sentence, you might want to think about it). We're talking more about trying to understand these thoughts and the feelings they bring up. If you miss certain qualities of your former partner, it might be worth having a chat with Marcel.le about what they could improve to fulfil you more (without trying to change the person, of course). Are you nostalgic for certain moments? Simply accept that they were part of your life. If you still feel something when you think about them, you may not have fully healed yet. In that case, be careful not to hurt the person you're with. They can never blame you for feeling something, but hiding your feelings for another person from them is not advised.

In short, observe, analyse and define the nature of these thoughts in order to better accept them or let them go. Being honest with yourself will allow you to be honest with your partner, and that is all we wish for you in your relationship.