Thinking about your ex when you're in a relationship: is it normal?

During a game of "truth or dare" with your BFFs, you find yourself admitting that yes, you sometimes think about your ex. This is followed by a circle of inquisitive looks, questioning your entire history with Marcel.le (you get the reference?), your new partner. You blush and a feeling of guilt takes over you. "Is it true, why do I still think about my ex? It's not normal, maybe my relationship is faltering...". First, your BFFs could use a little more kindness. Second, no, it's not abnormal to think about your ex, even if you're in a relationship, and we're going to tell you why!

Define the terms

"Thinking about your ex"

First of all, it's important to know what you mean by "thinking about your ex". There's a world of difference between occasionally thinking about the person because you saw an object, visited a place, or smelled a scent that reminds you of memories; and thinking about your ex all day long while imagining frolicking and/or flirting in a lavender field.

The famous "normality"

Dear citizens, we are honored to announce that normality does not exist. Hold your horses! Before you get on your high horses, let us explain. If we assume that every person is unique, with their own journey, history, tastes, and beliefs, it's immediately more difficult to define normality, isn't it? What we're trying to say is that the real question is not whether what we do is normal or not, but rather to ensure that our actions don't hurt anyone. In principle, a thought has never hurt anyone, except perhaps the person whose gray matter is behind the idea. If we continue in this vein, it's neither abnormal nor serious to think about your ex, even if you're with someone else...

Take action

However, if thinking about your ex disturbs you in your new relationship, take action! No, not with your ex (although if you're disappointed by reading this sentence, you might want to consider it). We're talking more about trying to understand these thoughts and the feelings they evoke in you. If you miss some qualities of your former partner, it might be good to discuss with Marcel.le what they could improve to fulfill you more (without trying to change the person, of course). Are you nostalgic for certain moments? Simply accept that they were part of your life. If you still feel something when you think about him/her, you might not be fully healed yet. In that case, be careful not to hurt the person you're with. They can never blame you for feeling something, but hiding your feelings for another person is not advisable.

In short, observe, analyze, and define the nature of these thoughts to better accept them or let them go. Being honest with yourself will allow you to be honest with your partner, and that's all we wish for you in your relationship.