All about premature ejaculation

Ah, premature ejaculation... One of the most common reasons people seek sex therapy. What is it, why does it happen and what can you do about it? We cover it all in this article!

What is premature ejaculation?

First of all, although the term “premature ejaculation” is widely known and used, it is more accurate to describe this type of ejaculation as rapid. After all, “premature” implies there is a standard to meet, and we know there is no such thing as a standard when it comes to sexuality.

We talk about rapid ejaculation when it happens within one or two minutes, although most often it occurs after just a few seconds or a few movements, whether during penetration or caressing. For some people, ejaculation happens before any physical contact, purely from mental arousal. A quarter of people with penises experience difficulties with rapid ejaculation, and it can happen at any age.

Ejaculation is described as “premature” or rapid when three criteria are met:

• Ejaculation happens very quickly (less than 2 minutes after sex begins)
• Ejaculation is not under control
• It causes distress for the person experiencing it

What causes rapid ejaculation?

What are the main reasons for rapid, uncontrolled ejaculation?

When we talk about rapid ejaculation, it is more accurate to talk about explanations than causes. It is not an abnormality, so we are not looking for the cause of a medical problem. Make sense? The three most common explanations are:

• a fast-paced lifestyle and a tendency to think and act quickly. People who live life at full speed often ejaculate just as quickly
• a glans that is highly sensitive to friction, which can lead to orgasm very quickly
• strong emotions that lead to intense arousal very quickly

During sex, certain positions can also heighten arousal and therefore bring on ejaculation. Which positions do this varies from person to person. For some, for example, the view during doggy style is so exciting that holding back ejaculation is almost impossible. For others, it is the friction of a particular position or the pressure it puts on the pelvic muscles.

There are as many explanations as there are people who experience rapid ejaculation. One thing is certain, though: the more pressure we put on ourselves, the more tense we become, and the faster ejaculation happens. So how can we release that tension and overcome the stress?

What techniques can help with rapid ejaculation?

Good news: rapid ejaculation is one of the issues that responds best to sex therapy!

There are plenty of techniques and exercises to help you learn to control ejaculation.

First, there are mind-focused techniques such as managing emotions, breathing, relaxation and meditation, hypnosis and acupuncture… Then there are physical techniques, including pelvic movement, pelvic muscle control and exercise… Combining several of these techniques can help you work on both body and mind.

Medication is another option. It can help ease the stress and apprehension associated with ejaculation difficulties, for example at the start of a relationship. But it is never a long-term solution, because it does not address the reasons behind rapid ejaculation.

And what about the partner? 

If there is one thing to remember, it is that rapid ejaculation is NEVER the partner’s fault, and they should not feel guilty. In fact, rapid ejaculation is a great opportunity to explore other ways of having sex without penetration: use your fingers, your mouths, toys… There are plenty of ways for both partners to enjoy pleasure without penetration. Discover the wonderful world of sexuality! The book Jouissance Club is a treasure trove of information on the subject!

Although a partner should not judge someone who has difficulty controlling ejaculation, they can sometimes feel hurt by their behaviour. Let me explain: if you experience premature ejaculation and sex ends when you ejaculate, your partner may feel neglected or misunderstood. Whether ejaculation happens quickly or not, remember that your partner is there to enjoy themselves too. People who ejaculate quickly can sometimes feel ashamed, withdraw into themselves or become angry after sex, shutting their partner out. That can be very hurtful. So I’ll say it again: communicate!

If you’d like to learn more about premature ejaculation, visit Charles.co. They’re even offering €50 off their TIME programme (Intensive Ejaculation Control Therapy) with the code TIME50 🙂

See you soon 💜