Overcoming vaginismus as a couple

How do you navigate vaginismus as a couple? How can you help a partner who has it? Those are the questions we’ll try to answer today!

First, if you’d like to understand what vaginismus is and how it’s treated, you can watch our video right here!

How can you overcome vaginismus as a couple?

Communication

When you have vaginismus, one of the hardest steps can be talking about it. Fear of rejection or misunderstanding can make telling your partner feel daunting.

With vaginismus, you may find yourself avoiding tender moments together for fear they’ll lead to sex and therefore penetration. Your partner, meanwhile, may see this avoidance as a lack of love or desire. That’s why communication is so important!

In a relationship, a partner can either be an ally to the person with vaginismus or make things harder for them.

• a supportive partner listens, encourages you to seek professional help, learns about vaginismus, helps find solutions and is gentle and patient.
• a partner who makes vaginismus harder to deal with may pressure you, get angry, make no effort to understand, think you’re exaggerating and make you feel guilty.

The importance of support

Therapy and rehabilitation exercises can be difficult to go through alone. Ask your partner to be there for you during those moments. If you’re doing rehabilitation exercises with vaginal dilator kits, for example, you can invite your partner to join you if you’d like.

Adapting your sex life

Vaginismus and a loss of libido don't necessarily go hand in hand. You can have vaginismus and still feel desire for your partner. So make the most of those moments together with gentle, no-penetrative sex. Think massages, cunnilingus, stimulation of the clitoral glans and other erogenous zones such as the groin, nipples and neck… Enjoy time together and moments of tenderness, whether that's cuddling or simply being skin to skin.

If you have mild vaginismus and would like to try penetration, certain positions may help you enjoy it gently:

• the partner-on-top position, to control the depth of penetration.
• spooning, for gentle, shallow penetration. It’s a tender position that helps you feel close.

If you’d like more information, take a look at Velvi, a treasure trove of information on vaginismus.

See you soon 💜