Pleasure after childbirth: let’s finally talk about it

Hello to all the baddies who have JUST CREATED LIFE <3

Today we’re talking about pleasure after childbirth. It’s about time we tackled this one!

It’s about time we tackled this one! You’re running on empty and being targeted by content celebrating the great joys of parenthood, until you start to think being a parent is now the first and foremost thing about you. Of course you are one. But does that have to erase all the other parts of who you are? We’re saying a definite no <3

And we’re going to do it properly, because the subject deserves it. Here’s what we wish someone had told you: what’s happening in your body, what’s common, what warrants an appointment and what really helps.

Disclaimer: we’re neither doctors nor midwives. We formulate intimate wellbeing products and spend our days talking about them with you, in our shops and elsewhere. What follows is what we’ve learnt from those conversations, plus a few facts you can check. For anything medical, your midwife or gynaecologist is still the person to ask.

Pleasure after childbirth: what changes in your body

Three things are happening at once. None is a warning sign.

• Oestrogen leaves the room It’s what kept your mucous membranes supple and hydrated. Levels drop after birth, and if you’re breastfeeding, they stay low. The result: thinner, more sensitive, drier tissue. Nothing’s broken. It’s how the body works.
• Your body has its own timetable Your uterus returning to its usual size, your pelvic floor recovering from all that work, a scar healing. It takes weeks, sometimes months, and it doesn’t check your diary.
• And then there’s everything else... Broken nights. The mental load. That strange feeling of living in a body that isn’t entirely your own any more, especially when it’s feeding someone else all day. What we hear most often is this: it’s not that the desire isn’t there; it’s that you don’t have the headspace to let it in.

We’re not saying it works this way for everyone. But we hear it so often that we think it’s worth spelling out.

The timeframe, the dryness, the pelvic floor

Six weeks: the figure we’ve all misunderstood

Everyone’s heard it. Almost no one has understood it properly.

Six weeks isn’t when desire comes back. It’s the point by which the tissue has generally healed and the cervix has closed. Medical clearance, not a starting whistle.

The official guidance in France: national health insurance provides for a postnatal appointment six to eight weeks after childbirth with a midwife, gynaecologist or GP, fully covered. An early postnatal discussion is also provided for between weeks four and eight. These appointments are there to talk about this too, even if no one ever brings it up first.

And what if, six weeks later, you still don’t feel like doing anything? We hear this so often that we want to tell you: there’s nothing to catch up on <3

No one warned you about the dryness

Your oestrogen levels are low, so natural lubrication can take its time, even when the desire is absolutely there. And if you’re breastfeeding, it can last as long as you continue to breastfeed.

Three things really make everyday life more comfortable.

Moisturise your vulva like the rest of your skin

It's the area we tend to forget, even though it's often the first to feel tight. Our nourishing vulva balm with hyaluronic acid is applied in the evening as part of your skincare routine, not as part of sex. Hyaluronic acid helps retain water in the tissues: exactly what you're lacking right now.

Using lube isn't an admission of failure. That's the misconception we'd most like to see disappear. Lube doesn't make up for a lack of desire. It makes up for a lack of oestrogen. They're not the same thing, and that changes everything. Our hyaluronic acid lube hydrates the mucous membranes while it works.

Always use more

The number-one mistake is not using enough. With sensitive tissue, it’s better to apply more twice than too little once.

The pelvic floor does more than prevent leaks

Pelvic floor rehabilitation is sold to you as protection against leaks. Hmmmm, that’s true, but it’s a very limited way of looking at it.

The pelvic floor plays a part in sensation, so when it regains its tone, it doesn’t just help prevent leaks: it can help you feel more too. (We were clearly trying to see who could say “pelvic floor” four times in one sentence ;) We think it’s a shame it’s never put that way.

Pelvic floor rehabilitation generally starts six to eight weeks after birth, with a midwife or physiotherapist. Ten sessions are fully covered by French health insurance. And it applies to everyone, including those who’ve had a caesarean: it’s pregnancy that puts strain on the pelvic floor, not just delivery.

Afterwards, lots of people ask us how to keep up the exercises at home. Our Delta Kegel balls come in three progressive weights: start with the lightest for a few minutes a day, then move up when your body is ready. One important point, and we won't dwell on it: your midwife or physiotherapist is the one who can tell you whether your pelvic floor is ready. An overly tense pelvic floor needs a different approach from a weakened one.

Pain, starting again, your partner

What if it hurts? 

Some discomfort the first few times, a sensitive scar, tenderness that fades: that’s what people describe to us most often, and it generally improves with time and lubrication.

Pain that persists is another matter. We’re not going to tell you what it means; that’s not our job. What we will say is that it calls for an appointment, not patience. Pain that lasts more than a few weeks. A scar that still pulls. One particular area that hurts every time. Muscles that tighten up as soon as anything approaches. A midwife or gynaecologist can identify what’s going on, and treatment is available. 

The one thing we’re absolutely sure of: “it’ll pass” and “just relax” have never solved anything.

While you're waiting for that appointment, it can't hurt to cut back on things that cause irritation. Our aloe vera comfort & hydration lube, the latest addition to the range, was formulated with that in mind: 96% ingredients of natural origin, a pH suited to intimate mucous membranes, hypoallergenic, with aloe vera juice for its soothing and hydrating properties. Compatible with condoms and sex toys, vegan and made in France.

Where to start again (if you want to)

The word “resume” makes us deeply uneasy because it carries such a misleading idea... It suggests going back to how things were before, and that’s not at all what people tell us. It’s more about discovering how this body works now. Spoiler: it’s not worse, it’s different and new.

Start on your own, if you prefer Getting to know your own sensations again before sharing them with someone else lets you notice what’s changed without having to talk about it out loud.

Don’t start with penetration 

It puts the most demands on the tissue, so it’s rarely the best place to start. There are plenty of other ways to be intimate, and they all count.

Get the lube out from the start, not when things become uncomfortable. Planning ahead helps you avoid the slight irritation that makes next time much less appealing.

You’re allowed to stop. Partway through, without explaining or apologising. Stopping halfway is better than enduring it: your body remembers the experience, and that matters for next time.

Pick realistic times. Ten at night after a day of carrying your baby is ambitious. A Sunday morning during nap time, much less so.

And what about the person who didn’t give birth?

When there’s a partner, having a baby turns more than one person’s body and mind upside down. What people tell us about that side is just as uncomfortable: the desire is there, but so is the fear of getting it wrong. Asking can feel like pressure, while staying quiet can look like indifference.

Two things seem to help. Say where you’re at rather than leaving them to guess: “I don’t feel like it tonight, and it’s not about you” clears up so many misunderstandings. And broaden your idea of time together: a massage, a shower, ten minutes without phones. Your connection isn’t only about sex, and it’s probably stronger when you stop pretending.

And if you’re raising this child on your own, everything above still applies. Your relationship with your own body isn’t dependent on being in a couple.

FAQ 

When can you have sex again after childbirth? 

When the tissue has healed and when you want to. Both, not one or the other. The six-week mark is about healing, not desire. Your postnatal check, between six and eight weeks, is a good time to ask a professional about it.

Why is it dry after childbirth? 

Because the oestrogen that kept your mucous membranes hydrated drops after birth, and breastfeeding keeps levels low. It’s physiological. Our take: it has nothing to do with your desire, and lube directly addresses the problem.

How long does this drop in libido last? 

We can’t give you a standard timeframe, and no one really can. A few weeks for some, well over a year for others, often for as long as breastfeeding continues. What we can say is that we hear about it every day.

Is it normal for it to hurt? 

Temporary discomfort is very common. Pain that lasts more than a few weeks isn’t: it’s worth getting advice. A midwife or gynaecologist can identify what’s going on, and treatment is available.

Can pelvic floor rehabilitation help with pleasure?

The pelvic floor plays a part in sensation, not just bladder control. We think it’s a shame it’s never presented that way. Ten sessions are fully covered by French health insurance, including after a caesarean.

Can you use lube while breastfeeding?

Yes, and that’s often when it’s most useful. Check two things on the label: a pH suited to intimate mucous membranes and a short ingredients list.

At Love & Care, we formulate straightforward intimate wellbeing products with clean ingredients, made in France. Two of our products are nominated for the European Natural Beauty Awards 2026. And when it comes to medical matters, we’d rather point you towards the professionals.

XOXO, love-loving baddie mamacitas <3