Libido in a relationship

How to manage a drop in libido?

Being in a relationship is one (wonderful) thing, but having the same desires at the same time... is quite another. Rest assured: it is completely ok, and we are all affected!

Today we're going to talk about libido in relationships, understand why and how it fluctuates, and find ideas for reconnecting, getting closer, and reassuring each other.

How to get your libido back?

Many factors contribute to a drop in libido, such as hormone intake, medication, the menstrual cycle, mental load, postpartum, fatigue, stress... The list is long and each reason is not approached in the same way.

1 - Communicate

If you are experiencing a drop in libido in your relationship, the first thing to do is to look for what has changed in your life or your partner's: new habits, a new lifestyle, a particular event, or even a change of season… Communication is the key to hearing and understanding your partner's needs. You need to talk and express your needs. It may seem simple on the face of it, but it is often the hardest part. And yes, the fear of judgement, rejection and being misunderstood by the other person can push us to keep it all to ourselves, but I assure you that by talking about it with your partner, you will have done the hardest part!

When we talk about a loss of libido, we are talking about the absence gold decline of sexual desire. But it is important to differentiate between the different forms of desire.

Spontaneous desire: this is when something awakens your arousal, such as a thought, a fantasy, an image… This desire is often present at the beginning of a relationship because e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g is exciting.

Reactive desire: Desire does not arise on its own, but reacts to an external stimulus. Often from your partner, who approaches you and creates desire within you.

We can therefore begin our relationship with a strong spontaneous desire, which over time may become reactive desire. This is not a drop in libido, but simply a change in the form of desire.

It is also important to stop thinking that libido arrives like magic and there's nothing to be done: spontaneity is mostly something that only happens at the start of a relationship. The flame is kept alive if you stay curious, but if you wait too long for something to happen, it will go out. So get to work!

2 - Spend time with yourself and treat yourself without pressure

Before trying to rediscover desire for the other person, try to reconnect with your own emotions and feelings through meditation, yoga, gold masturbation sessions. Rebuild your erotic imagination by trying, why not, podcasts gold erotic fiction. Use sex toys gold any other accessory that makes you feel good, and enjoy these moments of pleasure you give yourself.

3 - Establish new habits

Then try to establish new habits and ideas to reconnect with your partner.

Find a new quality in intimacy: do you need more caresses, role play, lube, or toys? Try a new rhythm: morning instead of evening? Talk about your desires, your fantasies, share your new erotic imagination with your partner!

4 - Spend time apart to better find each other again

Finally, desire needs space: try spending time apart in order to come back together again. Do you remember the first dates? You would choose a place, a time, an outfit... It was exciting to try to impress the other person. Plan activities together for quality time spent intentionally, and rediscover the thrill of those first dates!

Have confidence in yourself and in the other person, express yourself, try new things! Take all the time you need and don't put pressure on yourself. The love we have for one another in a relationship is not limited to sex. There are thousands of ways to express love and tenderness. Don't forget that you can be in love and not feel sexual desire for your partner — that is completely ok!

If you'd like to learn more about desire and libido in relationships, you can find here the replay of our live session with Camille, a sexologist for Mia.co!

See you soon 💜