"WE NEED TO TALK"... how to handle the farewell date without drama?

Hello lovely days,

Today we are focusing on a DE-LI-CATE subject...

"We need to talk" is rarely used to announce joyful news...

It's a barely masked code to sound the death knell of a relationship.

Let's see together how to end a story in the most beautiful way (for yourself above all) around a final shared moment that allows you to put a full stop, then move on.

STEP 1: PREPARE YOUR GOODBYE DATE

Embarking on this conversation without a safety net would surely be a painful failure given the high emotional stakes. Drawing its outlines is akin to a form of appeasement that would be a shame to miss out on.

• Clarify your intentions

Why do you want this meeting? Is it to explain yourself, hear their point of view, or simply to say goodbye face to face? Defining a clear objective will allow you not to be swept away in a nervous storm.

• Anticipate reactions

Your interlocutor might be angry, sad, or surprised... Visualizing the various possible scenarios in advance will allow you not to be destabilized and above all to remain benevolent.

• Choose the time and place carefully

Here, a hint of strategy can only be helpful...

• LOCATION

Opt for a PUBLIC and neutral place (a park, a chill café, for the luckiest, a rock facing the sea...). Avoid like the plague spaces filled with memories, a former shared home: too intimate.

• TIME

Obviously to be avoided: aperitif time... Prefer a lunch, a coffee, a walk. It allows you to easily frame a timeline that does not drag on in discomfort or awkwardness.

STEP 2: COMMUNICATE AS CLOSELY AS POSSIBLE TO YOUR FEELINGS

D-day, moment T... your attitude is crucial. Conduct this exchange empathetically, you are the initiator, of course, but the other must have their space for reception and speech.

• Be direct (but not brutal). There's no need to babble for hours. After the usual pleasantries, address the subject with clarity and gentleness. Use "I" to express your feelings rather than the accusatory "you." Prefer "I don't see myself continuing this story," rather than "you never understood me."

• Listen ... do not justify yourself excessively. Allow the person the opportunity to express their feelings without interrupting. However, do not try to legitimize your own, you do not have the obligation to answer all the questions, especially if they take the form of more or less insidious attacks (yes yes, we know ourselves).

• KEEP CALM. If the situation becomes turbulent, breathe deeply. Do not forget your goal: to end things with respect. To avoid falling into an argument, you can respond by saying "I hear and understand your anger but it blocks the dialogue, I suggest we keep a safe exchange framework".

• Resist the temptation of the "goodbye hug"... The last kiss, the last embrace... THIS IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. These actions of extreme ambiguity give false hopes, blur the message, and make the separation much more painful afterwards. 

STEP 3: AVOID THE TRAPS OF TOXICITY

For a drama-free exit, certain things should be avoided.

• Reproaches and the list of grievances. This is not the time to bring up all the other's faults or all the little things that annoyed you three years ago. It would only fuel anger and wounds.

• Vague promises. "We'll stay friends", "We'll see each other soon" are often polite phrases that maintain dependency. If you do not have the real intention, it is more honest not to promise anything.

• Wanting to be right. You are not there to win a debate but to announce a decision, so it is pertinent to let go of the need for persuasion.

STEP 4: CRAFTING THE CONCLUSION

The end of the farewell date is crucial. It is about setting a clear and kind final point.

Thank the person for the time shared together, be sincere in what you express. "I truly wish you happiness" is much more powerful and definitive than a "See you soon" full of implications.

Then... LEAVE: respect the time limit you had set. It's difficult, sure, but also the most respectful thing to do.

Feel free to share with us in the comments your best techniques ;)

We'll see each other very soon <3