Hello hello my heatwave wordplay lovers <3

By now, you'll have gathered that we're not fans of received ideas and other clichés.

Today we're tackling the great nonsense that has been drummed into us since time immemorial about the supposed sexual preferences of people with a penis.

Cliché no. 1: they're always thinking about sex

The idea that men and people with a penis are constantly in pursuit of sex is one of the biggest clichés — it is not only reductive, but above all completely wrong. Libido varies greatly from person to person and depends on many factors: stress, fatigue, mental health, age, relational context, etc.

• According to a study by the Kinsey Institute, about 15% of men and people assigned male at birth (AMAB) report a low or moderate libido.

• The Hite Report highlights that nearly 20% of people with a penis do not feel sexual desire on a daily basis**, contrary to deeply ingrained clichés.

But why does this cliché persist?

• Patriarchal cultural heritage: virility is often associated with hypersexualisation, leaving little room for the diversity of experiences.

• Media representations: films, series and adverts reinforce the cliché through the image of a so-called compulsive masculine sexuality.

Summary: desire is fluctuating and personal. No generalisation or cliché can apply to everyone.

Cliché no. 2: the pressure of performance

People with a penis are often expected to always be ready, enduring and dominant during sex.

Yet, erectile dysfunction (which affects 1 in 2 people with a penis after the age of 50, according to the French Association of Urology) is normal and multifactorial (stress, fatigue, cardiovascular health…).

The consequences:

• Performance anxiety: fear of disappointing gold not meeting expectations.

• Avoidance of intimacy: some forgo relationships for fear of being judged.

How can we move past this pressure-inducing cliché?

• Encourage communication: talk openly about expectations and boundaries.

• De-sexualising pleasure: sex is not just about penetration (no no no).

Cliché no. 3: size is everything

An IFOP survey (2022) reveals that 62% of men and people with a penis are concerned about the size of their penis. Yet, pleasure does not depend on this single variable.

What science says:

• The vagina adapts to different sizes.

• The clitoris, with 8,000 nerve endings, is the primary source of pleasure for most vulva-owners.

• Erogenous zones (neck, ears, fingers…) play a key role in arousal.

Sexy tips: prioritise caresses, erotic games and communication for a more fulfilling sex life.

Cliché no. 4: they don't like foreplay

Contrary to stereotypes, many people with a penis enjoy foreplay (massages, caresses, sensuality…).

A study from the Journal of Sex Research (2020) indicates that 73% of men and AMAB respondents say they enjoy extended foreplay.

Perhaps because they:

• Strengthen the emotional connection

• Enhance mutual arousal

• Allow desire to build progressively

To try: role play, sensory exploration, eroticising the everyday.

Cliché no. 5: a person with a penis must always take the initiative

In 68% of cases (Gleeden Survey, 2023), it is still the person with a penis who initiates sex. This expectation can feel burdensome and limit partners' expression of desire.

How can we break this pattern?

• Encouraging reciprocity: sexuality is an exchange, not a pre-defined script

• Dismantling expectations: vulva-owners can initiate too

• Embracing spontaneity: making room for shared desires

These clichés, often rooted in rigid social norms, limit the expression of an authentic and diverse sexuality. By moving beyond them, we foster healthier, more respectful and therefore more fulfilling relationships for everyone.