Intense Greetings, Passions,
It never does much harm to come back to basics. Today, we’re here to clarify certain things for some people, illuminate for others, or even pass on a lexicon of different sexual, affective, and relational orientations.
First and foremost, a disclaimer seems necessary: here, we’re going to talk about sensitivities in which you may recognize yourself, self-understanding tools—UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES will we even attempt to draw an inextricable framework with “good” definitions.
That said...
Why defining your sexual orientation has become a wellness issue?
For decades, society has worked on a generally binary model. You were either “within the norm” or outside it. Today, thankfully, the search for sexual identity has become a personal journey toward fulfillment. Understanding your own orientation is not a matter of fashion, but is connected to mental health and self-esteem.
Putting words to feelings that can sometimes be complex (like sexual fluidity or a lack of attraction) is the first step that allows you to give yourself permission to live a more authentic intimate life. It’s also an excellent way to communicate more precisely your needs—to yourself or to your partners.
The complete guide to sexual orientations: beyond bisexuality
To navigate the diversity of desires, it’s crucial to master the nuances of current vocabulary. Here are key terms to decode the spectrum of attraction.
Bisexuality (bi): breaking clichés
Bisexuality is often wrongly defined as equal attraction to so-called men and so-called women. In reality, a bisexual person is attracted to more than one gender (their own and others). It’s a plural orientation that includes both binary and non-binary genders.
Pansexuality: love beyond gender
What is the difference between pansexual and bisexual? An pansexual person feels physical or emotional attraction to someone, regardless of their biological sex or gender identity. Concretely: gender is simply not a selection criterion in desire.
Polysexuality
Not to be confused with polyamory (which relates to the number of partners), polysexuality refers to attraction to multiple genders (which does not mean defining attraction for all existing genders.)
Sapiosexuality and demisexuality: when the brain leads the dance
Attraction isn’t always aesthetic or physical at first glance. Sometimes it’s purely cerebral—visceral, sensitive.
What is a sapiosexual person?
Sapiosexuality is an orientation in which sexual excitement is triggered by a perception of the other person’s intelligence.
For an·e
sapiosexual·ity, a brilliant conversation, a broad culture, or quick-wittedness is far more revealing than perfect looks. The brain then becomes the main sexual organ.Understanding demisexuality
Demisexuality is part of the asexuality spectrum. A demisexual person can only feel sexual desire after establishing a deep, stable emotional connection. “Love at first sight” (sexually) doesn’t exist for them; everything goes through the prior emotional bond.
The asexuality spectrum: when desire is absent or subtle
Asexuality (Ace) is often the great forgotten subject in conversations about sexuality. Yet it affects about 1% of the population.
Asexuality: absence of sexual attraction to others. It’s not a disease, not a trauma, not chosen celibacy, but a way of being in the world.
Gray-sexuality: falling somewhere in the “gray zone” between allosexuality (experiencing desire) and asexuality. Desire is present, but in a very rare or very low way.
Sexual orientation vs romantic orientation: the nuance to boost your fulfillment
This is probably the most important point for stopping the guilt. You can perfectly separate sexual desire from romantic impulses. This is what’s called the separate attractions model.
Sexual orientation: who does your libido point toward? (e.g., heterosexual, homosexual).
Romantic (or affective) orientation: who do you fall in love with? (e.g., biromantic, aromantic).
In plain terms, you can be sexually attracted to people of all genders (pansexual·ity), but only want to build a romantic relationship with certain women (gyneromantic). Understanding this nuance helps you adjust your expectations and your relationships.
Why sexual fluidity is the key to freedom?
If these labels exist, they aren’t indefinite contracts. Sexual fluidity (sexual fluidity describes the possibility that one’s orientation evolves over time, experience, and encounters.
This is where the term queer truly makes sense. Originally an insult, it was reclaimed to become a rallying cry: it refers to anyone who rejects heterocentric norms and fixed labels. Being queer is asserting your right not to be put into a permanent box.
The questions you ask us about orientations
Do we have a sexual orientation from birth?
Science suggests a combination of biological, hormonal, and environmental factors. But what matters isn’t so much the “origin” as the feeling in the present.
Can you be sapiosexual and heterosexual at the same time?
Absolutely! Orientations can overlap. You can be a so-called heterosexual man (attracted to so-called women), but whose desire only gets triggered if that woman is particularly brilliant (sapiosexual·ity).
Why do we talk about a “spectrum”?
Because nothing is entirely black or entirely white. As with a color gradient, there are countless shades of nuance between each definition.
In the end, whether you are pan, bi, ace, or whether you refuse any word ending in “-sexual·ity,” the essential things remain consent, kindness, and pleasure. Words are there to help us
let us find you, not limit us.Here, we celebrate and will always celebrate all forms of passion, Love no matter where you place it?
We can’t wait to read your testimonials in the comments!
xoxo
Léa ☁️
Jongleur of words for 10 years on various topics, I recently turned to sex after training with Mathilde Magnien. Passionate about relationship mechanisms, here, we’ll talk freely, inclusively, and (a little) playfully too.
