Since the dawn of time, it's the eternal question that gnaws away at living composites.
So if I tell you that what follows contains a detailed and personalised checklist that will help you get what you want — do you believe me, or do you (kindly, in your head) call me an absolute bullshitter?
SPOILER ALERT: go for the second option, BECAUSE we are not (yet) AIs and broadly speaking it won't help much.
So first of all, what is a good person?
A good person is someone with whom doing nothing together becomes sexy
A good person is someone who, if you close your eyes for 10 seconds in front of them, asks what's going on (the opposite being deeply unpleasant)
A good partner is someone who tries to speak your love language (there are five of them; we talk about them HERE)
A good person is someone who checks your consent even when they surprise you after work
A good person offers to connect within a safe framework based on clear, mutually agreed rules
A good person makes you laugh, dance and cry, but doesn't add to your mental load
A good person knows how many half-sugars you put in your coffee
A good person knows how many chicks are left if you push one away
A good person loves R&B
A good person holds your freedom of thought sacred
A good person champions your karaoke skills no matter what
A good person wants to meet your (social) circles
A good person sets an alarm on their phone so you don't miss yet another dentist appointment
OK, BUT WHERE IS THIS GOOD PERSON?
Around a street corner? At the coffee machine on the second floor of your workplace? In the packed venue of tonight's concert? During a cigarette break in the pouring rain at the interval of a play? Between two rowing machines?
Here again, there are no rules. Your habitus determines the encounter or encounters.
The priority is rather to position yourself with an open mind and to break the limiting beliefs that suggest everything gets more complicated after 40 or 50, for example.
Be clear about your desires
Start by taking stock of your past experiences and drawing up a kind of diagnosis. Do it in whatever format suits you — a visual moodboard, a comparison table, a wall of Post-its… The important thing is to detach yourself from previous clouds while understanding what you're moving towards today.
GREEN FLAG
Make it fun. Organise a themed evening with people close to you, for instance, to get feedback from people who know you well but have a bit more perspective than you on the past romantic and sexual partnerships that caused emotional turmoil.
RED FLAG
Don't list all your exes' flaws — tempting as it is, there probably aren't enough trees in the world to write them all down, and asking yourself why you wasted so much time being oblivious would surely be counterproductive.
Multiply your opportunities
Whether you're drawn to a particular tone of voice or a string of hilarious one-liners, open your chakras to expanding your dating zones. (Tangible example: join a choir or download an app.) We have nothing against homebodies, let's be clear, but then you'd need to imagine dinners with people other than the bffs you've known for 15 years and with whom any sense of ambiguity faded the first time they held your hair back at the end of a night out (I Know that You Know What I mean, stop it).
The idea is to meet NEW PEOPLE.
GREEN FLAG
Funny, quick-witted, empathetic.
RED FLAG
Always seems very busy.
Arm yourself with patience
I know, it's not the most fun thing to do, and winter only intensifies the longing for soft moments to share. But in any new relationship it is essential to take the time to get to know each other deeply — otherwise you risk giving the other person the feeling that they're simply filling a void and are interchangeable. The idea here is to take the time to build honest communication and mutual trust.
GREEN FLAG
Hearing from your partner: What do you need to feel safe?
RED FLAG
Wanting to create feelings in less time than it takes to say the word.
On that note, see you very soon, lovely Human.
Léa ☁️
I've been juggling words for 10 years across lifestyle, advertising, psychology and social topics. I recently turned to sexology, which is a lens for understanding that brings all these themes together. I was lucky enough to train alongside Mathilde Magnien — so come on, let's question and think together?
Léa ☁️
I've been playing with words on all sorts of topics for 10 years, and recently turned to sexuality after training with Mathilde Magnien. I'm fascinated by how relationships work, and here we'll chat openly, inclusively and with a bit of humour too.
